It’s the beginning of September, and although it’s still a
blistering 90+ degrees on a regular basis here in Philly, the promise of fall
is in the air. It teases and torments me in the form of witch and black cat
decorations set out a month early in grocery store aisles, in the annoying Starbucks
ads for pumpkin spice lattes that are suddenly popping up in my email inbox, and in the many, many
trailers for horror movies that are slated to come out over the next two months
or so. I will only complain about the latter in this post, a.k.a. diatribe.
Let me start by saying that it is a good time to be a horror fan. Seriously. There is some great stuff
coming out these days: 10 Cloverfield
Lane, The Invitation, The Witch, Green Room, Don’t Breathe. Go back another
year or two and I could name at least fifteen more movies I’ve loved. And looking ahead, there are at least ten more I’m extremely excited
about seeing. But now, let’s take one of those movies as an example of an insidious trend that's been creeping up on me for a while, but only started ruining my life - my very sanity - in the last few weeks: Morgan.
Morgan looks
great. It had me hooked based on its lead, Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch), and the tagline alone: “A
corporate risk-management consultant must decide whether or not to terminate an
artificially created humanoid being.” I follow a lot of horror blogs, so I
caught this one clip early on:
Like I said, I was sold. Good cast, good production value, a tense moment, sold. No need to lay out all the gritty
details for me, thanks, I’d rather be surprised. Unfortunately, the powers that
be (i.e. 20th Century Fox) could not let it rest. I went to see a
horror movie in theaters soon after, and there was the trailer for Morgan, laying out every last detail of
the film in, as far as I can tell, explicit detail. I mean really, compare the
clip above to the trailer:
Now, I could be wrong. There could be oodles of plot left
untouched, ready to be discovered only by those willing to fork over twelve
bucks for a ticket to the show. But for my taste, this trailer tells way too
much. I’ve already learned everything I need to know about Morgan, including exactly
where her story is headed (if not how it ends). The element of surprise – of
shock and awe – is gone for me. I know too much. And I have some shocking
information for studio heads and trailer editors: I’m now far less inclined to
go see Morgan in theaters.
I know, I know. Those in the biz claim that showing more of
a film’s plot in the trailer makes audiences more likely to go see it. But
dammit, pandering to the lowest common denominator is why we can’t have nice
things, and I am so unspeakably tired of it. Why must stupid people constantly ruin
things for the rest of us?
Yes, I said stupid people. I’m sorry if this offends you,
but watching the entire plot of a movie in two minutes and then paying good
money to watch it all play out again is stupid.
Sure, it sucks to waste twelve dollars on a crappy movie, and maybe seeing the whole
thing condensed makes you feel surer about your choice, but listen up, because
boy do I have news for you: that’s what reviews
are for. Do two minutes of research before heading to the theater (yes, I’m
looking at you, person who decides which movie to see while waiting in line based
on the titles on the marquee) and you can be fairly secure in the quality of
movie you’re paying to see.
But apparently two minutes on Google is too much to ask of the
average theatergoer these days.
This problem is especially egregious when it comes to horror
films, which generally rely heavily on the element of surprise to, you know,
surprise and scare audiences. Give away the biggest scares in the trailer, and
what are you left with? Not me wetting my pants with fear and anticipation, that’s
for sure.
Now I must harp on a film (just the trailer for a film)
that I absolutely, genuinely love, and for that I am sorry – but it must be
done. You see, I went to see Don’t
Breathe last week, and it was every bit the pulse-pounding, heart-hammering
thrill I’d hoped it would be. And you know why? Well, first of all, because it’s
a great film – that certainly can’t be undersold. But also because: I went in
completely blind. I knew the logline for the film and nothing more, aside from
the fact that the director was a favorite of mine and the film had some
positive buzz. I avoided trailers like the plague. I literally left a theater once
to avoid any whiff of a spoiler.
And it paid off. It was one of the most suspenseful,
exciting theater experiences I’ve had in years. Had I watched the trailer,
though? It gives away a huge spoiler.
If you haven’t seen it, I’m giving you fair warning, do not watch it. But if you’ve seen the movie already, let’s
examine:
Less than two minutes in, bam. Giant spoiler. If I saw that
before seeing the film, I would’ve spent the entire first half of the movie
waiting for that moment, knowing it was coming sooner or later, and it would
have colored the entire experience for me for the worse. And for those viewers
that had that experience, rather than the one I got to enjoy – full of tension,
anxiety, and genuine shock – that is a damn shame.
I know it’s not up to the filmmakers; like everything else,
this comes down to money and marketing. As long as spoilery trailers rake in
the bucks, they’ll surely continue churning them out. I can only send this
futile yawp of frustration out into the ether, with little to no hope that
anyone who can actually change things will take notice.
But I will “vote” with my dollars. I probably won’t see Morgan in theaters unless someone can
convince me that there’s much more to the story than what’s shown in the
trailer. And I’ll continue fleeing auditoriums during Blair Witch trailers (please, universe, don’t ruin this for me) like
a fool, hoping that someday, someone will listen. Until then, ignore the weirdo
in the next row humming through the previews with her eyes closed and her ears
plugged. She’s not crazy, I swear.
No comments:
Post a Comment